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Bled in through Me

Sep. 15th, 2005

08:50 pm - About me

This was a while ago but I just wanted you to know why I started....

I started cutting 1 year ago, starting with saftey pins. I started in the first place because my friends were in a fight and I was stuck in the middle. I just couldn't handle the stress they were all giving me. I did it mostly every day in the girls bathroom, in the stalls. I knew it wasn't good but I couldn't stop. Then my freshman year, not to long ago, my old friend called me names as a stupid fucking dyke and a stupid bitch. I started doing it again but deeper. Still with the safety pins. After that happened my parents were fighting like crazy and I couldn't handle it so I did it again in the bathroom stalls. My old friend told the guidance counciler that I was cutting and she called me to guidance. I didn't want to talk. I didn't want to show her the scars of my pain. I didn't want to tell my parents of what I was doing. My parents finally stopped fighting and I stopped for a month and they started it up again which made me do it again. Then my old friend was getting worse, she was mentally tormenting me, leaving me scarred. So then one day I came back from school took the scissors and cut. Thankfully it didn't hurt. But I needed to stop, I wanted to stop. Then I thought back on my life and cut once more, the deepest I ever cut and I haven't cut since then. I'm trying to stop but if my old friend starts her crap up again I will have to do it no matter what anyone says.

Current Mood: depresseddepressed
Current Music: Slipknot- I am Hated

Aug. 8th, 2005

07:45 pm

Hey I found out a couple days ago that I had lyme disease. It wasnt fun. I went to the hospital and I could barely talk and breath so I ran to the toilet and puked my guts out and all this red shit with chunky stuff came out... Maybe it was blood? Im not sure. So anyways...

I really like the lyrics to this song.


"Vermillion, Pt. 2"

She seemed dressed in all of me, stretched across my shame.
All the torment and the pain
Leaked through and covered me
I'd do anything to have her to myself
Just to have her for myself
Now I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do when she makes me sad.

She is everything to me
The unrequited dream
A song that no one sings
The unattainable, Shes a myth that I have to believe in
All I need to make it real is one more reason
I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do when she makes me sad.

But I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me

A catch in my throat choke
Torn into pieces
I won't, nO!
I don't wanna be this...

But I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me

She isn't real
I can't make her real
She isn't real
I can't make her real

Current Mood: chipperchipper
Current Music: MM- New Shit

Jun. 14th, 2005

07:26 pm - Love

I love one of my best friends. Her screen name is mentally_morbid. She is so hot.

Current Mood: flirtyflirty

May. 18th, 2005

02:05 pm

Today was a half day! I'm so happy. We got to get out of school at 12:00 ^_^ YAY!

I hung out with my friend Allyse. She is so cool. I love her to death. hehehe. Then her b/f hugged me and 2 of my other friends. and they were blushing. lol. Unforttunatly I was too but I was laughing my head off caz they were just standing there with wide eyes and saying nothing. ^_^ LOL Well Im going to go now. Bye

Current Mood: cheerfulcheerful
Current Music: People=Shit (Slipknot)

May. 17th, 2005

06:05 pm - Today was fun!

One of my friends made me laugh so hard. It was like the best laugh I ever did... He was being really funny. Oh I was laughing all day long. ^_^

Current Mood: crazycrazy

May. 16th, 2005

08:12 pm - My mom

My mom Finally came. But she stayed for a half an hour. I just wished she could have stayed longer. But at least it is better than not seeing her at all. I wonder when shes gonna come back...

Current Mood: contentcontent

06:03 pm - Blah...

I'm so fucking bored today. I haven't heard from my mom since Friday and that really pisses me off. And the damn phone keeps ringing!!! >_< GRR

Current Mood: blahblah

May. 15th, 2005

11:07 am - Mana from Malice Mizer

I just found the cutest picture. I don't know if it will work on here but Hey I'll try.


Its a Chibii anime version of Mana from the Japanese metal band Malice Mizer


Current Mood: energeticenergetic

10:59 am - Out of my mind

I miss my mom. She left 2 days ago. This house seems so empty without her here. Life blows....

Current Mood: frustratedfrustrated

May. 14th, 2005

06:29 pm - Scarred for Lyfe

I think a person that I know, who I really DO NOT like, likes me. AND IT SCARES ME OUT OF MY WITTY BRAIN! Yes I am Bisexual but seriously I DO NOT LIKE HER THAT WAY actually I dont like her at all.......... O_o;;

Current Mood: uncomfortableuncomfortable

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